Scrolling down my Instagram timeline a few days ago I seen a post that read, “How long is too long to be just the “girlfriend?”. Being a previous engaged woman I wanted to read the opinions of others on this question. Quite frankly, the opinion of most of these women baffled me and questions arose from their opinions.
Most of the young women who commented on this post said anywhere from 6 months to 2 years is the max. The older women who commented on the post responses ranged from 4-7 yrs. The time difference between the age groups did not surprise me. My personal opinion is there should not be a time limit but I do believe that 6 months is not long enough.
During the first 6 months of a relationship you are still getting to know someone, if you were not friends for a while with that person before you two pursued a relationship. Within a year you are just becoming comfortable with that person. After you and that person become comfortable with each other their actions may change and they do things they would have not normally done. You have to determine if you can deal with these things. For me it took for us to live together for me to see the little things that he did that I was not used to seeing. In my opinion you should actually live with that person before you become engaged/married.
You can also fall in love with that person within a year but that does not mean that you have to give them a timeline on to when they have to propose/marry you.My parents were together 10 years before their engagement and two good friends of mine were together a year before their engagement. They decided to marry because of their love for one another and not because they were at the “max amount of time..” The time it takes for one to fall in love is different for everyone. There are some people who have been together for years, are happily together and are not legally married. Giving someone a max time on when they have to marry you may only push them away. The expectation of marriage should be something that you discuss in your relationship but it should not be given a time constraint.
What do you think? Is there a time limit on how long you should be “just the girlfriend?”
After the end of my last relationship I was nervous about meeting new people. I had been in a relationship for 5 years, so meeting someone new was the last thing on my “to-do-list”. After some time I became fond of the idea of meeting new people and excited about really starting to date again. Not too long after being on the dating scene I was turned off to the idea of dating. The reason behind this was because of the phrase “Lets chill”.
First off let me say that all the guys that I have met while dating have not been bad but most of them were. But back to this idea of “chilling”.
So when most young adults use the term “chilling” it means that they are not doing anything. When I’m “chilling” I am usually at home sitting on the couch watching TV or a movie, basically relaxing. I am perfectly fine with “chilling” with someone who I have known for a few months. But when a new guy that I am just getting to know sends a text that says, “When are we going to chill?”, they usually do not get a response from me. So what is wrong with “chilling” with someone you just met?
To “chill” with someone you are either going to their place or residence or they are coming to yours. Problem? You are being placed into an environment that you may not be comfortable with once you get there. If you are inviting them to your place then you are allowing a stranger into your home. As a young female you are making yourself vulnerable to things such as rape and stalking. If you let everyone guy that you met come over and “chill” think about how many people will know where you stay. When dating someone you are in the process of getting to know them. You want to be able to have fun and see that person out of their usual element, you cannot do that by “chilling”. The idea of “chilling” had me second guessing the type of men that I was attracting. This threw me for a loop because not one particular guy had the same lifestyle/background nor did I met any one guy in the same environment.
This made me come to the conclusion that young women have become OK with the idea of just “chilling”. This is NOT ACCEPTABLE in any way shape of form. If someone is trying to get to know you they should be taking you on dates. Some may say dates are expensive and times are hard but they are not. Going bowling, going to the movies and going out to eat are all very inexpensive date options. No one said that every date had to be an all out grand event, that would be nice, but it’s not always possible. He should be putting in some type of effort that will want you to continue to date him.
So the next time a new guy asks” When are we going to chill?”, respond with “When are you going to take me out?’. If he comes up with any and every excuse about why he cannot take you out then dismiss him. As the phrase goes “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
While cleaning this morning I heard R&B Artist Kelly Rowland’s Dirty Laundry. I am a huge fan of Kelly, I think her vocals are just amazing and she’s very talented. The song talks about her feelings towards seeing Beyonce’s career take off and most important DOMESTIC ABUSE. Domestic abuse is not only physical but also mental. I personally have never been in an abusive relationship myself but I know others who have. There is no reason why anyone female or male (yes women can be the abuser) should allow themselves to stay in these types of relationships. It can be hard to get out of these relationships and sometimes we think this is real love but it is NOT. It takes a real women to open up about abuse. Check out the song here:
For More information and help with Abuse visit http://www.thehotline.org
Most people do not look just for a pretty/handsome face or nice body when looking for someone to be in a relationship with. Physical appearance is not everything because that pretty face soon gets wrinkles and that six pack will eventually fade away. Young men/women are looking for significant others with much more substance and have more to offer then being a nice piece of eye candy. So to figure out what young women/men are looking for I recently did a survey with a group of young adults ranging from 20-33. The results came out surprising and it seems like young women/men are looking for the same qualities in a significant other. Here is the TOP 5 qualities”
TOP 5 QUALITIES YOUNG WOMEN LOOK FOR IN YOUNG MEN:
2.SENSE OF HUMOR
3.SOME TYPE OF SPIRITUAL CONNECTION
TOP 5 QUALITIES YOUNG MEN LOOK FOR IN YOUNG WOMEN:
4.SENSE OF HUMOR
5.ABILITY TO HOLD A CONVERSATION
What do you think about these results?